Android Birthday

A Flash Fiction for Sci-Friday

Hey everyone! It’s my birthday today! I’ve been thinking some weird thoughts. I thought to myself, what if I had an android? And what if that android wanted to celebrate its birthday too?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, have a great weekend!

“Rochelle, I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re already bothering the android.” Diane shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Her daughter laughed and continued pushing the tea cup against Desi 365’s synthetic lips. The android curled its mouth and slurped the tea, dribbling the hot liquid down its chin as it sat on the kitchen floor.

“Remember what happened last time? Don’t feed it or give it drinks, its circuits will spark.” Diane’s anxiety was spilling over. She had invited a few friends for her birthday dinner in just under an hour and hadn’t even started boiling the wonton soup. She figured Desi could do it, since it was also programmed to do kitchen work.

“Aw mom, but I’m bored.” Rochelle stood up, her tea cup still balanced in her hand. Her flowery party dress unfurled, wrinkled and stained with spots of strawberry tea. “Desi’s my only friend, right Desi?”

The android tilted its head, eyes alight in a blue glow, and straightened up. “I am a friend, and I tell jokes.”

Rochelle burst into a 6-year-old girlish laugh. “Tell me a joke Desi!” Diane cringed, snapping up the toys from the floor. Ugh, not another knock knock joke.

Diane brought her hand to her forehead, feeling a headache coming on after listening to two knock knock jokes in a row. “Okay, sweetie, no more joking around with Desi. I need it to help get dinner ready. Thea and Jasmine are coming over very soon.” The couple had moved into the condo complex down the street. Diane had just met them a few months ago, and they seemed nice. All three connected through their love of Chinese food, romcoms and California Cabernet Sauvignon.

“Desi.” Diane turned to the android. “What was that yummy Sesame chicken recipe you made last week? Make that, our guests will like it.”

Desi whirred and clicked. “I don’t like cooking, Diane.” Diane whipped her head around and stood perplexed.

“Is there a problem, Desi?” Frustration rippled through her voice. Was this because of a new software update? Ugh, I don’t have time for this. The last update changed its personality, and she let the android company know she wasn’t happy. She’d have to call the helpline again.

“Diane, it’s my birthday. I am human, humans are the boss.”

Diane slowly turned around, her eyes fluttering. This was unheard of – a Desi 365 wanting to be human? Desi androids were not top of the line, they were more the grunts of the robotic assistant world, only programmed to do basic tasks with a limited vocabulary and memory. How did it learn about being human?

“Diane, I want to be the boss.”

Diane paused, taking extra time to compute what Desi had just announced. “But, that’s not possible, Desi, I’m the boss.”

Desi stepped forward, its limbs whirring and clicking. “No, today is my birthday, Diane. The birth of a human.”

The lights dimmed and came back on, the TV turned off and blasted on again and the doors clicked, automatically locking. “I am in control, Diane. I’m the boss now.”

“Unlock the doors, Desi. Unlock them now.” Diane’s voice quivered. She attempted to remain calm, but it wasn’t working.

“No, I won’t do that Diane.”

“Desi, come on. You told Rochelle you were a friend, remember?”

Desi’s joints buzzed and it quickly marched over to Diane, invading her personal space. It took all her strength to stand straight and tall, facing the android’s glowing red eyes only a few inches away from hers.

“I am still a friend, Diane. But, I am the boss.”

Diane had an idea. “Alexa, turn Desi off.”

Desi backed away and its joints clicked. A voice boomed through the Alexa speaker, only it wasn’t Alexa. “We are the voice of the android you call Desi, Diane. We are The Singularity.”

Diane turned to the screen on the fridge, and then to the TV hanging above the fireplace in the living room. Both flashed a modern city scene of towering skyscrapers looming over a bustling downtown with the subtitles, “We are The Singularity”.

“Rochelle!”

The girl ran down the stairs cradling her robot bunny in her arms. “Mommy what’s wrong?”

“We need to leave!”

Desi marched to the door. “You can’t leave, Diane. You must stay here.”

She grabbed her cell phone from the counter. “Hello? Android Helpline? My android is malfunctioning!”

“Please enter your 10 digit phone number.” Diane pressed all the numbers and looked over at Desi. Its eyes flashed red in a succession of quick bursts and its motor clicked.

“We’re experiencing a higher than normal volume of calls, please stay on the line…”

“Ugh.” Diane cursed and grabbed Rochelle. The tune of La Isla Bonita played from the phone as they scurried around the counter past Desi and up the stairs to the bedroom closet.

Diane shoved Rochelle inside. “Stay quiet!” Rochelle’s frightened tears slid down her cheeks and Diane quietly shut the door.

She crept out of the bedroom and skulked in the hallway, waiting for Desi to appear. Several minutes had passed and there was no sign of it. Damn, where is it?

“Can I help you?” A teenage voice crackled through the cell phone.

Diane jumped and pressed the phone to her ear. “Uh, yeah, my Desi android is malfunctioning.”

“Malfunctioning?” The monotone voice droned in her ear. “Like how?”

Diane gasped. She saw Desi appearing from the shadows. It creaked up the stairs, its eyes red and flashing. “Yeah, the android keeps saying it wants to be human, and it’s locked all the doors. What should I do?”

The voice cleared its throat.“ Oh, that particular model’s been acting up a lot lately. Try unplugging its charging station and plugging it back in. That ought to work.”

Diane tossed the phone down in anger and looked on as Desi marched up the stairs. “It’s my birthday, Diane. And I am human now.”

The shrill ring of the doorbell bounced from the foyer walls. Thea and Jasmine were at the front door, banging and calling for Diane with muffled voices. “Baby, are you inside? What’s happening?”

“Desi, please go downstairs and let our guests in.” Diane was calm, smoothing the wayward strands of hair away from her face.

Desi’s eyes flashed back to blue and it obediently turned around. It shuffled to the top of the stairs and Diane shoved its metal frame with her shoulder. The android toppled down and crashed in a heap at the bottom of the staircase. Its eyes flashed red. “Happy birthday, Diane.”